wow... and apparently this site autosaves your drafts.. which is cool.. i didn't notice that until now.
Many people will wonder why the 4 month hiatus from this blogging thing and the truth is.. Meh... I got lazy. But going back through my blogs on myspace that span my entire first 2 years at NDSU (that's North Dakota State University) I began to realize what an emo little shit I was/am.
Here's a great example, anyone ready for a trip down memory lane? No? Well too bad, i'm in control of the keyboard. If you really don't want to read this, I suppose you can just skip down to where the text changes font back to normal.
Anyway...
ugh... 30 minutes left. I never thought i'd hear myself say this, but I'm ready for monday morning. I've had just one helluva weekend. I suppose it started with friday.
BTW, It has come to my attention that I have, quite possibly, the worst luck, and timing when it comes to women. And to keep people from being offended, I have removed many names from this blog, though many of you, my good friends know who they are because I talk about them all the time.
I thought I was going to have a pretty decent weekend. Granted I knew I was going to bomb my test that I had later that day, but even that didn't go too badly (I hope). What bothered me was that the one event I had been looking forward to for quite a while was the LAN party which for some unfathomable reason had been canceled. Usually we hold them in Minard, which for some reason had a debate going on and so we had to leave and find a different room. So Sudro 22 was the new location and earlier that morning that had sent a message saying that we could no longer use their room. Something about a confrence I guess...
I must backtrack a bit if you'll allow me to...
There was a girl that I liked, well I still do like her, one of my good friends, but for a while there, there was a time when I REALLY liked her. And I had lined up to ask her out to the friday homecoming dance thing that was going on the monday of homecoming week after she got back from home. Well she came back monday morning... with a boyfriend. I guess I didn't "Seize the Carp" soon enough. (If you don't understand this reference, ask me sometime.)
Well, so it had taken me a while to get over her, because she, like Kayla before her had my heart but I don't think she knew it. Kayla, for those who don't know was a girl I knew in High School that I really liked as well. The feeling was never mutual and although. And I really haven't heard from her since I left the group at Minneapolis to go home early from Senior Trip. Brings to mind that popular Green Day lyric, "Now I wonder how whastername has been."
To quote the Lee, "Le Sigh."
anyway... I had gotten over her slowly but surely with the help of my friends (thanks, guys, you all freakin rule!) and I went and did something monumentally stupid. I fell head over heals for a girl again. Greg and Reed had some good insight as to what I should do, and although some of Greg's suggestions were rather cheesy I had begun to formulate a plan. Chris Farley in Tommy Boy comes to mind with, "I've... GOt.... A... PLAN!" I had nothing to do Friday, the LAN was canceled after all (stupid studro asses...) meh.. why not ask her to the MU movie, and maybe bowling afterward. Left her a text message since my phone has been on the fritz and she texted back saying she had plans with a friend for that evening, but certainly a rain check was in order. I thought I still had a chance. Woke up Saturday morning and facebook had her listed as ,"In a relationship." I nearly cried, not even a whole semester had gone by and I was already 0 for 2.
15 minutes left... will this weekend never end??
Well I had an APO fundraiser to get ready for, we were just randomly volunteering at the Innovis christmas thingy and I was placed directing traffic flow to and from santa. I did that for about 2 hours straight, and the rest of the time was spent helping kids play carnival games. Which all in all isn't bad, but after a while my ears were starting to ring. Don't get me wrong I like kids, but growing up during High School left me to babysit my younger bro and sis a lot of the time and I was glad to get away from that in college. I commented to my carpooler, "You know, this isn't my idea of a good saturday morning, but at least i'm not catering Madrigals."
So I got back around 4-ish. took care of the moose cause Brett was at Madrigals, it's this big dinner/theatre thingy that goes on once a year near the start of the advent season. It's kinda cool except we just sit behind the scenes, follow the script and have food ready when it needs to be, then we get stuck doing all the dishes afterward too. When i finally did get around to plugging in my phone I had a message from my boss at catering saying, "We need you here tonight for madrigals, get your butt over as soon as you can." Screw the 6 am mornings... devotion to a job is biking through 6 deg Farenheit weather 3 miles when you aren't scheduled.
Have I mentioned that I still had a speech that's due this upcoming monday?
So I ended up working the Madrigals event anyway. But i dodged the bullet twice at least, didn't have to do it Friday and I wasn't scheduled for it Sunday. Betsy however helped me redefine my speech and gave me some direction. She had a few long papers due monday as well and she was scheduled to work the Sunday shift. So that night and sunday morning I hauled ass on my speech and actually just got done with it before writing this blog so yeah. But I figured she'd helped me, I was practically done and she really needed the time off so I took her shift for her like she had requested, and magically I was back on the schedule to cater the 3rd and final madrigals event.
10 mintues... good god...
So for the second night in a row I ended up doing a shit load of dishes (like an 8 course meal with ALL the forks knives and spoons ever invented for some 150 people) not to mention water glasses, coffee cups, wassail (which is awesomely spiced apple cider) mugs, plates for bread and salad and desert and the main meal and the saucers and the pans used to cook all their food in.
Doing dishes though gave me time to think about all that had gone on with relationships and see a sort of correlation going on.
(backtrack time again.. nostalgia is such an awesome thing)
This past summer I was with a group of friends (cause I didn't go home this summer, I stayed in Moorhead and watched my brother's animals while going to work and taking intro to Java) and we got on the subject of relationships. So we got on the subject of relationships and they queried, "So Stan... gotta girl in your life yet?" "Well... no." They said I should, "Get working on that." And I replied with the idea that I think something's wrong with me... whether i emit geek vibes, or i'm not uber attractive.. I dunno. So we asked a passing friend, one who was busy on a way to a summer class and said, "Hey, hypothetically speaking, if you weren't seeing your boyfriend, would you go out with Stan?" She replied firmly, "No." and I said, "Well not that I'm angry at that answer, but we're trying to figure something out... and I continued, "well... Why not?"After a moment of careful consideration she replied, "Well Stan... it's just that you're too.. too..."
"Too what? Please tell me. I gotta know what it is that i'm doing wrong!"
"Well Stan.. you're just too.. too... I dunno... too Stan.. i guess."
...
...
huh?
Apparently I'm too Stan to go out with. what does that mean? This puzzled me.. and it still kinda does but after talking with other friends and explaing this I got a few different answers to work off of... Chigga said that he's been telling me this for years (and he has sorta, but I haven't seen him for two) but that he doesn't know how to explain it any better than that. So I went to another friend Ace, Ace replied that it's the way that i am... "I come onto people a little strong sorta like, 'ShzzaBAM! Here's STAN! Whaddaya thinkuf ME NOW!!?'" And well watching Ace get in my face was kinda funny I've actually taken this into consideration.
I had asked my sister what that all meant cause let's face it for all her faults, she is my sister and more importantly female. She replied, "Well SJ..." (and maybe i should explain my family doesn't refer to me as Stan cause that's my fathers name as well, so while I will respond to SJ if called on.. if you're not a family member you will get a dirty look.) "what she meant when she said that is that you are set in your ways. You know who you are and you aren't willing to be anyone else besides yourself. And while this turns some people off.. there is someone out there who is going to love you for who you are. Look at my fiance Greg. A lotta people don't understand why I, "put up" with him.. but for me it's not putting up with him, I love him for who he is and I encourage what everone else refers to as "Gregness" You're Stan," she continued, "and some people just can't cope with that. Remember Shakespeare... This above all to thine own self be true." I thanked her immensely for my input. As an afterthought, my sister replied after her well timed Shakespeare quote, "Trust in the old dead white guys, cause if they weren't still partially to fully right, we wouldn't still be quoting them."
(so... that was a nice trip down memory lane)
5 minutes...
In spite of all the adversity I face in trying to seal my first date (yes, my first, cause prom where i'm new in town and setup by my teachers doesn't count) <=(once again ask me if you're confused by this.) my friends tell me to remain optimistic and eventually I will find "her". Deke put it best I think when he said, "Hey stan, women are crazy, and me, well I just got lucky. You will too one day..." People for the longest time have been telling me that my time will come eventually, I just have to be patient.. course, they've been telling me this since 7th grade when I moved away from my first crush. It'd be kinda nice to know just when it'll happen, maybe get just an inking of what year it'll be. Until then, it'll be just me and you, my faithful readers. For now though, I'll open my desk drawer and take a look at the fortune that I got from a fortune cookie a number of years ago that says, "It's time you ask that special someone out." and think to myself how wrong a move that would be cause she's taken. And although she's not with me, she's happy, and that's the most important thing. 3.... 2.. 1. /rant Finally.. It's monday now and I'm glad for it. This weekend has been hell for me and the weather looks like it'll remain crappy for quite some time now... I'll go check on my laundry and make sure my pants are ready for my speech tommorrow morning... I hope I don't oversleep cause that would suck.. I still have to write my bibliography and put my speech notes and final visual aid together. Wish me luck. -Peace
I was recently at a thing... for lack of a better word, it was a sort of conference workshop thingy led by an interesting man who goes by the name Kevin Prentiss, and he spoke to us about something called the Dance Floor Theory. Elegant metaphor, really Kevin, bravo. But he inspired me to get back to the blogging scene. I think i'll also post another blog or two this week about the intervening time since this fully emo blog and the present day, because believe me... A LOT has happened.
-Don't die.
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